I may have your heart, but he has your body(g+fem)

[♥morgueresident♥]

Chapter 57; Tyranny

<Miranda's P.O.V>

I was dancing around in a small little circle, the video game controller still evident in my fingers.
"It was beginner's luck." Frank moped.
I looked at him blankly, stopping my little dance.
"Excuse me, I've played this game a billion times." I said, sticking out my tongue.
"Rematch." He said sharply, reseting the game.
"Fine, fine, ready to get your ass kicked?" I laughed sitting back down.

I beat him, again. He threw a pretend hissy-fit, kissed me, and took a nap at which I laughed at.
Ray had hopped on the bus and had called Christine and me outside to talk to us alone.
"I need your help." He said to us.
"OK." We both said.
"Well, I'm going to propose to Ariel." He brimmed.
"Aw really?!" I said giving him a hug.
"Congratulations!" Chris laughed giving him a hug too.
"OK, I need your help, since I'm sure she's talked to you two about it. We've been going out for 3 years now. So I'm not sure, white gold or gold or like how should I?" He asked nervously.
"Well, I know she likes white gold." Christine winked.
"And HM, Ariel likes to be the center of attention, so don't do it when you're alone, but make it romantic too! I don't have any ideas how to, but we'll think of something." I suggested.
"Good, good. So she has talked to you? Ah, well, yeah. We should have more of these little meetings. But you cannot tell anyone. Especially the other guys because their all blabber mouths." Ray smiled.
"I pinky square swear." I said putting my pinky in between all of us.
Ray and Christine put in their pinky's too and we all sweared.

We had just had a bite for dinner and Frank and I curled up on his bunk.
Christine was sleeping in The Used bus because she fell asleep there since they were visiting Bert.
Everyone was out so it was just Frank and I.
"I want to do something." I groaned resting my head inside of his shoulder.
"I do too." He groaned back.
I kissed his chin in an awkward way and we started to make-out.

[♥morgueresident♥]

Chapter 58: Mirrors of Past Reflections.

<No one's point of view>

It was the dead of night, and quietness of the Used's bus rolling along the highway woke Christine up. She uncurled herself from Gerard and blindly staggered into the kitchen. Where she started to go through a draw. She grasped the sharp end of a knife, cutting her hand on mistake, but didn't even wince.

She did however yelled in glee.
"My favorite pen! Miranda, see, I told you I would find it in your drawer!"

She then walked over to the table and held the knife the correct way like a pencil and started to scribble away on the table.
She then stopped and looked at the door, smiled, bit her lip and put down the knife and walked over to the door.

She played with the locks until she was able to open the door, swinging it completely open until the road being treaded on could be seen.
"Come on in Chris honey!" She staggered, balancing herself from falling out of the bus.

Pretending a figure had came in, she closed the door after and pretended to make out with it.
"Chris, I think I'm in love with you!" She giggled, her hand still bleeding.

But her expressions, in the dark, changed. From gleeful, to confused, to furious. She then fell on the floor, as if she had been punched of hit.
"Chris stop it!" She cried out.

The light turned on in the room, and a bed-head Gerard came in rubbing his eyes from the light.
"Why the hell are you up?" He groaned.

"Chris really, please, please. Gosh. MIRANDA! Where are you?!" She called out.
"What's wrong with you?" He groaned again, wiping his eyes for the very las time.

He saw the blood by the kitchen sink, table, door, and floor, and immediately went berserk.

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!" He said out of nerves and quickly got some paper towel and got it around her fidgeting hand.
Bert then appeared, and grotesquely slipped on her blood, and started to laugh hysterically.
"You're lying in a pool of her blood." Gerard said, trying to keep his mind sane even as funny as that sounded.

He was also trying to remember what to do when she did hallucinate. He read the instructions so many times, but realized, her meds were in their bus.
"Bert why are you here any way? This is the sober bus!" Gerard said.
"I don't know I just woke up here, let me go wake up... BRANDEN!" He screamed getting up.
Bert turned around, to expose a line of Christine's blood, in which she was still thrashing around on the floor, and he walked into the bathroom.

"Bert!" Gerard called back to Bert, who reappeared.
"What?!?!?!" He exclaimed.
"Help much?" Gerard asked.
"Like what do you want me to do?" Bert asked itching his back underneath his shirt.
"Help me restrain her!" Gerard said being kicked in the face.
"Ha-ha that had to hurt man." Bert laughed slumping over to them.
He got a hold of one of Christine's hands and then the other.
"Sit on her legs." Bert commanded.
Gerard rolled his eyes and followed his order.
"There we go, see no more kicks in your face. Now if BRANDEN WOULD GET HIS ASS OUT HERE... we could like putting her on sleeping pills or something." Bert suggested.
She still squirmed, moving her back and head, and even trying to take a bite out of Bert.
"Feisty, eh?" Bert laughed as Branden started to wake up from the bunk area.
Gerard gave half a smile and looked around at the mess her hand had caused.
"What the hell is in my girl friends' mind?" He mumbled putting his face in his hands.
"Christine's a psycho." Bert laughed, thinking this situation was all too funny.
Branden entered the kitchen area, shirtless, and looked down at the three of them.
"What is going on?" He yawned.
"Hallucination problems. And no she's not on drug-drugs. Medication yes. No drug-drugs." Gerard explained.
"Oh, OK well you better clean up the blood, kind of gross." He said.
"Can you like get your sleeping pills?" Gerard asked.
"Alright, Alright." Branden said retreating to the bathroom and coming back with a bottle of pills.
Branden handed them to Gerard, who unscrewed the bottle and managed to get a few pills into her system while she tried to take a nab at him.
A few minutes, she quieted down and Gerard was able to get her and Bert let her go.
"Bert, you clean up, while I clean her up." Gerard instructed lifting Christine off the floor.
"Why do I have to clean blood? It's icky. I would rather like to clean off your hot girlfriend." Bert whined.
"Shut up and go clean." Gerard snapped back, annoyed how his night was disrupted.

[♥morgueresident♥]

Chapter 59: The Torture Chamber

(No one's point of view)

Gerard sat her on the toilet seat on the Used's bus and rand a wash cloth underneath some water and dabbed at her face.
"Come on sweetie, wake up, and I mean not in a delusion, or else I'll have to like shackle you or something." He said quietly.
She just rolled her head, drowsy from the sleeping pills.
"Branden, can you give me some extra CLEAN clothes?" Gerard called out from the bathroom.
"Sure thing." He called back, several moments later popping in the bathroom to hand him the clothing.
"Ha, she's totally out." Branden said.
Gerard then shooed Branden out so he could change Christine, which made her sound like an incapable baby.
once she was in non-blood soaked clothing it was much easier to try and make her wake up. She looked funny in boy clothes though. The shirt was a Branden's skateboard company, Twenty-Twenty Skateboards and pajama pants. He lifted Christine and moved her over to the bunk area, where he found Bert's handcuffs and handcuffed her wrist to the post so she couldn't wake up in a rampage and do stupid things. He scooted up next to her, took a peek out of the window to see morning light, the clock which read 5 and the remote control to the TV in which he turned on.
There was nothing, just morning news, infomercials, and odd Spanish Soap Opera's.
He soon feel asleep, but was soon awoken by a rude tapping.
"Um, Gerard, wake up, why am I handcuffed to a bed?" Christine's voice said.
"Because you went all crazy berserk on our asses and I couldn't have that happen again." He mumbled.
"Mm, I love how you care, but would you care to release me. Bert's fuzzy hand-cuff's scare me." She said.
"But I thought you liked hand-cuff's." He said, stretching.
"I like handcuffs, whips, all that kinky goodness, but not Bert's." She laughed.
"Alright Jesus, you're very hyper for this early in the morning." He said, taking the key to unlock her hand cuff.
"Ah thank you. Let's go get some breakfast, and I'll tell you all about my nightmare, and that good stuff." She laughed jumping up with her newly found freedom.
"Yeah, last night was a nightmare." Gerard said, still extremely tired.

He washed his face and, making sure the bus had stopped, left it to view the new tour grounds they were on.
"It's really big." She observed, tugging him along to find a place to eat.
It was cold out, snow was on the ground and whenever you exhaled your breath could be seen.
"After we eat, we can go back to our tour bus and you can sleep until you need to wake up." She explained.
"Sweetie, please take it easy." He said.
"But, I'm fine." She said.
"Yes, but I don't want you getting another cut hand, the doctor said these could be stress related, kind-of." He said as matter-of-factual.

[♥morgueresident♥]

Chapter 60: Which Shall She Turn?

(Christine's Point of View)

Once back to the MCR tour bus, Gerard took a nap while she sat with Miranda and Frank. Bob, Ray, and Mikey were all either setting up or playing kickball out in the parking lot with a few early fans and staff.

"Gerard has a surprise for you!" Miranda chatted excitedly.
"Oh really?" Christine said back, smirking.
"Miranda! You weren't supposed to say anything!" Frank said covering her mouth.
Miranda licked the palm of Frank's hand and laughed as he pulled away in disgust.
"Oh and take it easy on him, he's really stressed out. He's been worried for you." Miranda also added.
This ticked off Christine, as she stood up and answered Miranda.
"I know how to tell when he's feeling something. I don't need someone else to. I'm going to see if any of the other girls are free. And maybe, just maybe, he's not the only one stressed." She said rudely, climbing out of the tour bus.
"Wow, what's bit her in the ass?" Miranda said in disbelief.
"She's probably irritable from being in her condition and the Med's. You know she's been limited to things now, she can't over-do herself. Anyway do you know when we're on today?" He said pulling Miranda into a hug.
"I think 6 or 7, I'd have to check her itinerary."

Christine wandered out into the venue area with her coat and hat on. Roadies and Techs were on hand working to ready the area for a show to knock the concert-goers socks off.
Although it was winter, there everyone was, in coats playing kickball, on ice. Which made the game all the harder. From her spot she could see Ray's afro bobbing up and down while he ran from one base to another. She smiled and headed her way to where Ariel, Cy, Halie all were.
"Hey where's Bob and Lauren?" Christine asked as she cozied up next to them.
"I think they're out or working on the set. You shouldn't be out here." Cy said, watching Mikey slip on the ice and recover from falling.
"She could do whatever she wants, it's not going to kill her." Ariel differed.

"And where's Gerard?" Halie asked to Christine."
"Sleeping, he got no sleep last night do to me. And no, you know my moral, no MORE sex before marriage. And I'm glad he respects that, because you know I'm still afraid of everything." Christine said.
"You and your morals, but you know I don't blame you. But that poor boy has got to be ready to explode. He should just ask you to marry him so he could some action!" Ariel laughed.
Christine, Cy, and Halie all exchanged smiles as they all knew what Ray was planning for Ariel.
"Well, he can wait, and he better not cheat or I'll kick his ass to the curb." Christine chimed.
"That would suck." Halie said, realizing if that ever happened they would barely ever get to see Christine, and maybe even Miranda for that matter.

They all watched for a bit has Ray and Mikey got defeated badly. When they came back to the girls, Cy and Ariel each gave their boyfriend a pleasant kiss and Halie and Christine greeted them.
"I hope you didn't get fucked up too badly." Cy laughed as Mikey pulled up the sleeve of his jacket to show a bruise on his arm.
"It's nothing." He smiled.
"DORK!" Cy laughed wrapping her arms around him.

Halie and Christine took off to round up Bob and Lauren for practice while the rest headed for the bus. Christine did not want to go back to the bus because of the row she had with Miranda. Even though the 'bicker' was just a small little remark she hated it, because Miranda was that best of a best friend.
As Christine and Halie entered the developing venue, where massive work was in progress, Bob was hunched over his drum set while Lauren watched him tune it.
"Should we just tell them practice is in a half hour or leave him to tune the drum set?" Halie whispered, unsure of why she was doing so.
"That would be best. You can go back alone though, I'm not really needed, so I just kind of want to walk around." Christine said.

[♥morgueresident♥]

Chapter 61: Daddy's Little Defect

(CHRISTINE'S Point of View)

I must have had some ill-fate for me written down. Nothing ever seemed to go just right, but of course, nothing ever goes according to plan. You see, everyone knows my teen years. Something I'd much rather keep hidden and obscured from the world, with Jake and all. Then the years before I met Gerard, they weren't that bad. I couldn't stay in relationships and I broke too many hearts, except for once, where my hear twas badly broken. I had thought I was in love. Yes, love and infatuation are two very different things, that seem, so alike. Sort of like an oxymoron. It was a dangerous relationship I had to come out of, but I couldn't let myself be treated like that.
Secondly, this part of my life. This part of my life has been great. I just am not. I'm not worth anything. Once I was the princess of a Rock God, and now, I'm just, just, I don't know.
I don't feel like me.
Let me explain it to you like this. For about 8 years living the life you do, you get used to it. But I felt, like I was thrust into the past upon meeting Frank and the band. Especially the rape, because sometimes I still don't trust Frank. It's like I get scared if I'm in the same room with him. Or even though he's a bunk above me and I'm in Gerard's arms, there's still that fright and fear.
On top of it all, my health is declining. And I had overheard the doctor saying rapidly too. I've done my own research on what I am believed to have and the outcomes are truly horrifying.
But they never were horrifying to me before.
I never had a fear of death before, and I had always had the fear of the past, which returns to me in hallucinations.
It scares me, but I don't fear it. Even if that doesn't sound like it makes sense, it does to me.
Gerard has been acting different because of my health. And truthfully I can't stand it at all. I feel like a baby, and I have never ever in my life been treated like one. My father, always treated me as a person. He wanted me to grow up care free.
When I was 6 he told me to carry on his legacy. And by how was I to do that?
I wasn't carrying on a very great one at all. I mean, being raped by your father's best friend isn't a good name to the cause. On the plus side, being kidnapped by your own mother isn't as great either.

So what was I doing. What was I supposed to do.

In the coming months I feel as if I'll be completely deteriorated, because of another things I heard the doctors say.
They were talking about how my condition could carry on.
I should be feeling weak very soon, they said about me.
And soon after that, I'd be limited to bed rest, and after more of my health's decline, well I could get better or die.
It is a fifty-fifty life for me. Gerard doesn't know that yet, maybe when he understands that before if I do become weak that I want to accomplish things that I had always wanted too, and he won't baby me as much.
For some reason though, I don't what the doctors said is going to happen at all. I lived a healthy lifestyle and my father didn't start his shit until after I was born, and my mother was a saint so she never touched that stuff.

[♥morgueresident♥]

Chapter 62: No Dreams within her heart but Dreams of Love

(Miranda's Point of View)

"Hey Miranda, wake up Gerard, we need to set up and work on Tech." Frank said as he opened the mini-fridge's door. He pulled out some energy drink and leaned against the counter, opening it and taking a sip.

I looked up from the papers I was sorting through, "Mm, yeah."
"No, silly, I asked for you to wake Gerard up." He laughed, putting on a sweatshirt and then leaving the bus.
I put down the papers, stretched and shuffled over to the bunk area, where Gerard was curled up in a fetal position...sucking his thumb.
I started to laugh, almost incoherently and obnoxiously. This ways way too funny. Before he awoke, I grabbed the nearest camera and got a few pictures, before my laughing got so bad he jolted from his sleep.
"What?" He snapped.
I turned the camera screen so he could see and quickly snatched it away after he saw the picture.
"This, this is blackmail. And I'm going to give it to Christine if she stops being a bitch to everyone. So if you're ever mad at her she can use this against you." I laughed opening Christine's safe-box that I had the combination too. I put the camera in there and locked it, knowing Gerard didn't have it.

"So why is she being a bitch?" He asked sitting on the edge of the bunk and ducking so he wouldn't hit the bottom of the one above him.
"I'll tell you later, but know you have to set up and practice." I told him leaving the room. I too left the tour bus and headed off to the arena stadium thing. A lot of work was still being done, security guards were reaching their posts as people had come this early to be the first ones in.
When I got to the stage where they would be playing, they were all there, count out for Gerard, he was still on his way here. I walked over to where the girls were standing, noticing that one of our 'cult' members was missing, that being Christine.
I itched my tattoo, the one I had gotten with all the girls. Mine was a simple heart with a bow on it's corner. And, you know those little figures used for depicting the girl's bathroom and the boy's. I had one of the girls' and one of the boys' on opposite sides. I had been thinking to get something added to it. The names of me and Frank on those little bathroom-people.
"So Miranda, what was that whole deal with Christine earlier today?" Halie asked, it had obviously traveled through the grapevine.
I sighed, Frank probably spread it around.
"Basically she just said that she knows how Gerard feels and she could tell if he was stressed and stuff like that. I was just telling her to not act so rude to him because he's under a lot of stress." I said.
"Speak of the devil." Lauren said as Gerard entered the arena.
He looked around, expecting to find Christine with us, and after not, came up to us.
"Where is she?" He asked.
"We have no idea." Ariel replied for everyone.
"Damn it! She shouldn't be out on her own like this..." He mumbled frustrated, walking away.
Frank and Ray started to tune their guitars for practicing so I left the group of us and stood right behind Frankie.
He didn't know I was there, took a step back and stepped on my toes.
"Ow!" I squeaked, jumping back.
He turned around, almost hitting me with the neck of his guitar and gave me a hug filled with apologies.
I gave him a kiss, said I didn't care, which was true and then I played with his guitar. Picking at a few strings to make a crooked sound.
He handed me a guitar pick and said that I could strum a tune out. So I did, and he just put in other notes other then the strings that were there.
I laughed, and he did too, because it didn't sound that bad. I gave him a long passionate kiss once more and told him I'd be back later because he needed to tune and such.
Returning back to the girls, Gerard came out from the woodwork, or wherever he had been. Flustered he came to us and asked us a modified sentence of the one which he had asked us earlier. We told him that Christine had not passed by either and told him she'd be Kay. They were both nuts.
Bob and Mikey started to tune their instruments, all the instruments tuning sounded all funny because they were all out of tune. Gerard left and joined the band in tuning. He started to do that vocal exercise where he held his tune and made a noise that sounded like he was a retarded leprechaun.

[♥morgueresident♥]

Chapter 63: Call me With Your Life

(Christine's Point of View)

I wasn't too far away from the band, because I could hear them tuning up for the show. I would get back, if only I knew how to get there. I stopped and asked a Roadie if he knew where I could get to the 2nd stage. He told me the simplest directions, and I followed every word he said. When I walked onto the stage, I was immediately bear-hugged by a very worried and obviously sentimental Gerard.
"Never EVER leave me again!" He said.
"Oh my God." I said, to suppress laughing. This was all too funny to me. He hugged me for a few minutes until I reminded him that he needed to warm up since in an hour this place would be packed.

And how right was I?

In an hour the place was packed with teens and even adults, all alike. Gerard was in his little suit, doing jumping jacks with Ray and Bob. I loved the thrilling moments like these. Minutes before they stepped on stage and played their hearts out for me, you feel like you're the only one in that room letting the sound echo and flow around you. And I only feel like that when I'm listening to them, which is often, I never get sick of hearing something I love.

"Ten minutes!" I called to the band, and everyone anticipating the show. I walked over to Gerard from where I was standing behind the curtain to look at the crowd. I put my clip board I always carried along with me backstage on an amplifier and walked to Gerard who was jumping and stretching, nervously. He stopped his pre-show ritual and smiled as I stood right in front of him. I wrapped my hands on the back of his necks and stood on my tip-toes to let our lips collide. Our tongues flirted for a bit until I heard chanting around me. Now this wasn't the chanting the crowd usually did a minute before My Chemical Romance was supposed to go on around. This was the people surrounding me chanting, enclosing us in a circle.
I could barely make out the jumbled words from the screaming fans in the crowd but the garbled message got across.
"ALL THE WAY!" Over and over. We sadly broke from our kiss and turned to look at everyone in a sarcastic-mean way. "Alright guys." I said to everyone, picked up my clip board and checked my watch.
"THIRTY SECONDS!" I yelled so everyone could hear me. I could hear everyone count down the time and the band start to walk forward. Bob was the first one to go on stage, right after a quick kiss from Lauren. The crowd roared wildly. Then just as sudden as Bob had appeared on the stage, Frank, Ray, and Mikey all left to go on the stage, their guitars already hung around their necks. They started to strum out a few beats and with one last glance to Gerard he too got on stage, the crowd in full blown madness.

The show was amazing, like all shows I had been too. It was wild, entertaining, remarkable and fun. Yes, fun. I was feeling so well that I apologized to Miranda and danced with her and the girls the rest of the set.


Once they each came back to behind-the-scenes land I gave Gerard another long kiss. I grabbed his hand and pulled him into a back hallway that no one was in and started to madly make-out with him against a wall.
I whispered into his ear that the band was going to stay in a hotel for two nights and then with the rest of Taste of Chaos would be on our way to our next destination.

"I've got our own room tonight." I said to him, as we walked back to the tour buses to go to the hotel.
Once showered and in the hotel Gerard and I laid on our bed together. The music player on his laptop was on playing music from his iPod and we listened intently, talking in short periods. I leaned over so I was looking straight into his eyes, and started to kiss him again. My hand started to play with the zipper on his pants that he had changed into. He couldn't help but giggle while I did this and I smiled, making the kiss awkward.

[♥morgueresident♥]

Chapter 64: Love Always....

(Christine's Point of View)

As I scratched the amazing story of last night in my diary, (putting full details to remember it) I couldn't help but smile. After all I was in the same room, alone, with the man I loved. His breathing was pleasant as he was still rolled on the bed sleeping.
I felt like I could float, and I wanted to do just that. Or, how cool would it be to be in a pool of whip cream? I have no idea...
I had put out the cigarette I had just lit up, for my own health. If I didn't want to kick the bucket I'd need to live healthy. So, I would have to consent dear Frank....the Vegetarian man. Who, always got pissed off whenever we would eat meat, especially Miranda, he'd make her go brush her teeth before kissing him. She did manage to sneak in kisses before brushing her teeth, which greatly made Frank sad.
Gerard made a funny noise in his sleep, turning over and continuing to enjoy his rest. I smiled at this and walked over to his bedside. I leaned over gave him a kiss on the forehead before I went to the bathroom. I was glowing, sex hair and all. Yay for me! Maybe I was so happy because it was sex I choose to have (best yet too.)
I decided to leave my hair the way it was, for Gerard to see when he would wake up. I washed my face and returned back to the main room, where there was a light knock on the door.
I walked over to the peep-hole to see a giggling uncontrollably Miranda.
"Hey...Christine, you awake? Ha ha, 'Do Not Disturb,' no really, I need to talk to you!" She said lightly giggling. I unlocked the door and pounced on her. I covered her mouth not to scream so when we both hit the floor we didn't make THAT much noise to wake Gerard.
She pushed me off her, giggling still, and as I helped her up she took a double look at me. She put her hands my shoulders and then asked if I could slap her to make sure she wasn't dreaming.
I blushed, she most likely figured. "Come out for a walk, I can tell you what I wanted to and you can tell me your sex hair story!" she still said giggling.
Her and I both walked into the room, she walked over to Gerard while I changed my pajama pants and put on a black robe that said 'Gerard.' I figured Gerard would wake up before I returned so I left him a note, put away my diary and made sure my robe was in sight since I was wearing his. I would really want to see him wearing a pink fluffy robe...yes pink, I, of all people, had a pink fluffy robe...with matching slippers!
Miranda started to poke Gerard, he unconsciously swatted her away and she couldn't help but giggle more. "Let's leave before you wake him." I giggled.
I took the room key, locked the door behind us and started to walk down the hallway.

After going up another floor I asked Miranda where she was taking me and to explain what she wanted to tell me. "Well, Frank and I had a little too much to drink last night, I absolutely know you hate it, but, well, it was inevitable. Well, you just have to see this!" She said sliding the card through her doors lock. It clicked open and she pushed open the door.
Frank was there, except....oddly dressed. A wine bottle was in his hand, drastic make-up on his face... and best of all, he was wearing tights, a pink tutu, and a pretty pink poodle sweater. And somehow there was a bow in his hair and he had on Miranda's dress shoes.
I looked oddly at him and then at Miranda where I restrained myself from falling on the floor and laughing right there.
"What happened?" I said, stifling giggles.
"Well, as I said we got drunk, and he said he was going to the ballet to be in the show. And well, this is Mikey's tutu, I have no idea why Mikey has a tutu but we stole it from him, and that is my sweater and I made him all pretty!" She laughed.
"You better have blackmail pictures!" I said.
She picked up the digital camera, turned it on, and flipped through a whole photo album of them. "Let me show you a picture I took of Gerard yesterday." She giggled once again. She went into a 'Gerard Blackmail' photo album and the newest pictures there was Gerard, sucking his thumb in the almighty fetal position. I clasped my hands over my mouth once again retrained myself from laughing too hard. After we put the camera away, wrote a note for Frank we left to get the other girls for some coffee. Once everyone but Halie, since she wasn't in her room, was with us, we all went to the hotel's little cafe, where I would explain my appearance.
"Tell us, right now!" Ariel said, as we sat down at a table.
"Let's get some coffee first and then I'll tell you all." I implored calling over a waiter. How odd a waiter at 11 in the morning.
After we all ordered coffee and a breakfast I started recalling my story, leaving out the details. I told them how we were just laying on the bed. And I had decided before the show that I was going to break my little moral.
"Was it when you guys had that make-out session?" Cy said loudly.
I shushed her, myself giggling and nodded. Blushing, once again.
"So what did he say after?" Lauren wanted to know. "Oh God, he said um, that he loved seeing my tattoo. And some other stuff, which I will not disclose to you."
"Tell us, and he's seen your tattoo, hasn't he?" Miranda inquired.
"He's seen both, he just always makes that remark after seeing the bikini one." I said.
"So he has seen it before?" Ariel laughed, thinking I had thrown my moral out the window awhile ago.
I looked at her, "Yes, he has. I just said no more sex, oral doesn't count."
We sat drinking our coffee, and eating, talking about where Halie might be, and I noticed a boy in the corner.
He looked no older then 17, and he was wearing a My Chemical Romance shirt. "He must have went to the show." I whispered to the other girls.
"Who?" They asked. I nudged to the direction of the boy.
"Oh, I'm going to get him!" Ariel said getting up.

She walked over to where the boy was, and introduced herself, making him smile. I could tell she didn't straight up tell him who we were, but complimented him on his shirt.
She then turned and called to us.
"You girls, make a phone call. Say there's an emergency or something to them."
We all took out our cell phones and dialed the first number on our speed dial. "Hey Hon, get down here immediately there's a huge problem." I said, acting nervously on the phone. "What?! What happened?!" He asked extremely worried. "Just get down here, the little Hotel Cafe, and hurry!" I hung up.
The other girls had finished making there calls too, and in a moments notice a pack of running guys came down. No, first it was Gerard. All the girls laughed as he was in my pink robe and matching pink bunny slippers.
He ran up to me and looked at all of us.
"Are you OK?!" He asked, bewildered.
"Yeah, we're all fine." I answered smiling.
"Then why'd you call me down here?" Embarrassed of the robe. "To show everyone you like wearing pink!" I teased.
"But you stole my robe. Not fair!" He pouted.
"Come on isn't it comfortable?" I said.
"More comfortable than mine." He said happily, brushing his cheek against his shoulder to feel the softness of the robe.
"Good, now, sit, act worried when the other guys come." Ariel said, coming to the table with the astonished boy.

[♥morgueresident♥]

Chapter 65: It Will Never Be The Same

(You Know Who's!)

The boy stood there in shock. Look at his favorite vocalist sitting right next to me.
"Can I help you?" Gerard said to the kid who continually kept staring at Gerard.
The kid did not even blink.
The rest of the guys rushed into the Cafe and ran to their girlfriends, when everything was cleared up Ariel got up and stood next to the kid.
"This here, is my new friend... his name is Josh. The girls and I got everyone to come down here to meet him!" She said putting her arm around his shoulder. The guys immediately got up and greeted the kid, who was now sporting a brimming smile. I ran back up to Gerard and mines hotel room to get some merch for this kid, he turned out to be pretty cool. He said he was 17, he had just been to our show the day before and this is what he had wished to happen all along.
He had excused himself, before I left, to make a phone call and asked us if it was OK to invite his girlfriend down. It was perfectly fine with us. When I got back a girl had just arrived and almost instantly started to scream at the top of her lungs. The other people in the place looked at us angrily and Josh, the kid, tried to calm her down.
She then practically flew herself onto Gerard with a hug and tried to kiss him, but Gerard moved his head just in time.
"LIKE! OM! Josh! It's him! OMG! He smells so good..." Her voice squeaked.
Little did she know that, that was the smell of sweat..ha ha for her.
"OMG, Josh did you plan this for my birthday! OMG he's so hot! Can I have a kiss? Oh My God! I'm so going to marry you one day!" She kept squealing.
By this time, my eyes had turned green, Lauren and Cy had to sit me down and tell me to cool it. I could deal with this kind of stuff at shows but not like this.
I was starting to break out a sweat and seeing this Cy led me out of the place.
"OK hon, sit down. Breath. Lauren, get Gerard!" Cy yelled back inside the place.
Lauren peaked out from the Cafe and without hesitating went to get Gerard freed.

"Gerard, she's not feeling well." Was all Lauren had to say for Gerard to get the urge to ask the girl to get off him as he gave the other guys a disgusted look.
He quickly ran with Lauren to where Cy and me were.
Cy had laid me on a couch in the lobby and Gerard quickly rushed over to me.
"Hey, sweetie, you OK?" He asked softly with his hand brushing the hair out of my face. He was on his knees and looking straight into my face. I nodded and gave a small smile.
"Can someone get me a glass of water? Or better yet my pills, they're in my bag... I think I forgot to take them...ugh..." I said meekly.
Cy ran back to get a glass of water and my pills which were in the bag I had brought down.
But she wasn't the first person to come back, the girl, Josh's girlfriend had come over.
"What the fuck is going on?" She said angrily.
Gerard looked up at her and in all honesty, even knowing how much I hated it said to her, "This is my girlfriend, she's sick."
The girl's eyebrows lifted up.
"Well, I hope she dies!" She scoffed.
Gerard gave her a violent look and was about to say her something very rude until Lauren put her hand on his shoulder and shook her head to him. He knew that he'd have to restrain himself.

Luckily, before more animosity, Cy came running back with a glass of water and my bag since she didn't know which pills I needed.
I took out a few of them and asked Gerard to open them for me while the girl still stood in shock. Her boyfriend shyly came up to us and pulled his girlfriend off to the side in a struggle.
They started to talk, then argue, then they got so pissed off that they both stopped talking. The girl left him and went back to watching me take the pills.
"You don't even stand up for your girlfriend when I told her she should die, because she really should." She said rudely.
Gerard stood up and looked at her. "I don't stoop low. And she knows that if I have nothing nice to say I don't say it." He remained calm.
"What is this? You're being a complete jerk and I hope everyone knows that." She complained.
"I'm going to keep my mouth closed. Because I know if I say something you're going to turn it against me." He said politely.
If I was him I would have been whacking the living daylights out of that bitch. But then again my condition, my stress, couldn't handle something like that.
The girl just fumed unable to say anything nasty again and stomped away angrily. She was crying because she probably had just broken up with Josh. I didn't feel bad for that kid at all, she really was a gruesome person.

[♥morgueresident♥]

Chapter 66: From the Lights to the pavement

(Miranda's Narrative)

Frank, Ray, Bob, and I basically stayed and cleaned up our table a bit before waiting for the waitress to come around so we could pay and tip. And we tipped very generously because of the commotion we caused. When we went into the lobby Gerard was just helping Christine up and he pulled her into a hug. Her eyes were still open when she was hugging him and I could see green still in her eyes. To explain this, I'd have to tell you her eye color is hazel. And sometimes any other 'normal' emotion she had her eyes would turn green other then stay hazel or brown.

We helped her get upstairs and they quickly disappeared in their hotel room. We knew they were going to have a very serious talk by the way they both weren't talking. And Christine talks over everything...most of the time.
Frank and I went to our own room, where it was a filthy mess from the night before. There was make-up on the walls and all the clothes from the suitcases we brought up were everywhere.
We cleaned for an hour, something Frank hated. All the guys kept their bus like a pigsty. It was only us girls that cleaned it...occasionally.
After we cleaned most of it we decided to try and take a walk around the town. We hadn't been out in the longest time, and being cooped up in a bus all day isn't much of a romantic life.
We walked down a street called 'Boner Street' which we both took pictures in front of. Then we found this really awesome store which was sort of a much cooler Hot Topic. This store was cheaper then a Hot Topic too.
We browsed around, bought a few things and then went to Walmart where we got some kids stuff. Then it got windy so with all our shopping bags made our way back to the hotel.
We got back to our hotel room, passing Christine and Gerard's which was still closed, and snuggled on the bed. We were still so tired from touring but he decided he needed a shower while I napped.
A knock on the door woke me up and I answered it to a very tired looking Bert, but none the less hyper.
"Hey, have you see my Halie?" He practically screamed.
"Your Halie, HM Mr. McCracken, since when has she become yours?" I laughed.
"Since we hooked up last night." He laughed back.
"Oh REALLY?" I said, pretty much knowing where Halie might have been this morning.
"HM, Frank might know but he's in the shower." I said opening the door wider.
Frank had started to sing.
Bert rushed inside and asked me for where my camera was so he could take a video of this.
I crept behind Bert as he creaked open Frank's door and started to video tape Frank in the shower, singing 'Macarena' over and over and over.
"Hey F-r-a-a-a-a-a-n-k!" Bert called pretending to act sexy.
"Hey Mac....what the fuck?" He yelled sticking his out of the shower.
Bert and I laughed hysterically while he was holding the camera.
Frank returned briefly to the shelter of the shower curtain before poking his head out again and throwing a bar of soap at Bert. And Bert threw it right back.

[♥morgueresident♥]

Chapter 67: ...From the Earth to the Morgue...

(Miranda's Narrative)

"Well, Bert, I should do laundry. The guys' laundry hasn't been done since we left for touring." I said picking up Frank's clothes on the floor.
"What's la-la-la-laundry?" Bert asked, pretending to sound out an unfamiliar word.
"Very funny, but I don't even think you've seen a laundry machine." I told Bert, picking up the clothes that needed to be washed in the hotel room. Bert soon left, saying he wanted to talk to Halie and left me to lug around the laundry to the other band members' rooms. Mine as well wash all of them so they don't smell that bad.
And finally, I saved Gerard and Chris' room for last. They hadn't come out in two hours, and no when they went in they were both pissed at each other. For reasons I wouldn't have known.
But I knocked on the door, with several bags of dirty laundry piling in the hallway on a suitcase trolley.

Soon I heard the locks on the door open and Christine open the door. Her face was red, and wet.
"Hey sweaty, what's wrong?" I said taking her into a hug. But she backed away.
"What Miranda, what do you want?" She said harshly.
"Got any dirty laundry?" I said innocently.
"Yes, you're doing it? Maybe I should come with you... get away from that jerk." She said, but I didn't hear the last thing she said, it was in an incoherent mumble.
She went into the hotel room and grabbed her suitcase and not Gerard's. I went in and grabbed his.
"Don't take his." She commanded.
"I don't want to smell him." I argued.
She rolled her eyes and followed me down to the mini-laundromat in the basement of the building. We occupied every laundry machine and when they all finished we occupied all of the dryers.
We spent two hours in almost complete silence. I could tell she was fuming and did not at all want to talk about what had happened. But I was afraid their relationship was on the rocks...
We did talk, however, about the weather, the next tour date, and how the tour would be ending in three weeks.
At some points of silence, she would burst out in tears. All I could do was watch this, she wouldn't let me near her.
She got up a few times, she said she needed to use the bathroom, a few times.
It gave me suspicion.

As her relationship with Gerard was declining, I couldn't be any happier how mine and Frankie's was. It was always wonderful with him. Never a chance he would miss to make me smile, and he knew when to be serious...that is if we were ever serious. But we need not the attention a the moment.


For the remainder of the tour Gerard and Christine remained like this. Make-ups and fights. And the fights got worse. The worst part for us, is, we had no idea what this was all about. And we just stood back and watched. Poor Ray, Christine neglected her promise to help him with his proposal, and he postponed it until everything would be OK between the two of them.
It was the last day of Taste of Chaos. Bert and Gerard had linked arms and were skipping around the grounds singing 'Under Pressure' for the 2$ Billion Show they would be playing for MTV soon up in Buffalo, New York.

We would be going to New York soon, that's right. Home. That would be a problem all in itself, so I left the mystery of Gerard's and Christine's fights to New York. Maybe Christine's 'special' spot in the country would help her cool off and feel better.
Her health was declining just as fast as their relationship was deteriorating. She was falling and collapsing all the time now, including many hallucinations. She even the visited the Nurse's office at Taste of Chaos almost every night.
I had to take over most of her managing duties since she simply could not. It was hard watching her. Watching her dreams die and watching her die too. Because everyday she would wake up and tell me, "I think I'm going to die today."
Almost like she wanted herself to die, but it made sense, she sounded severely depressed.

So the last day of Chaos, really was Chaos.
As Gerard and Bert were skipping away Christine was nowhere to be found. So I went on to the Used sober bus where she usually had been lately, and found her on the bunk opposite of Jeph's dogs' bunk.
She was laying there, just staring at the bunk on top of hers twiddling her fingers. She was complete white, her hair a mess, she was skinnier then she had ever been. Made me almost wonder.
"Miranda..." She started, like she did most mornings.
"I think I really am going to die today..." There was that overly-used sentence. She had never said it like that before. It didn't sound desperate or angry. It sounded painful.
"You really look like shit today." I told her sitting on the dogs' bunk. Jeph must have taken her out.
"I know." Her voice soft.
"You've really been isolated all these weeks, have you been taking your medication?" I asked her.
"Yes." She responded to both questions.
"What's wrong? Please tell me. I should know before you 'die.'" I said putting sarcasm to the end of it.
"You really want to know?" Her eyes looked like glass. Ready to break into jagged pieces of tears.
"I would really like to know." I told her.
"What would you like to know first? The one that everyone figures or the one no one, not even the 'devil' knows." She had been referring to Gerard as the devil for a week now.
"The everyone figures first, then tell the one know one knows." I said kindly.
As she started to talk her glass eyes did shatter.
"Oh Miranda, I can't. I can't stop it. Look at me, I'm just skin on bones. Miranda I've been doing this to myself. I mean, using the bathroom whenever possible to just shove up lunch or whatever." Was what came out of her mouth.
It was what everyone had figured, that she was not eating or something. We had to force food in her mouth sometimes. But the thought of her being bulimic? It scared me.
"Go on, please go on." I said with remorse.
She cried even harder.
"Miranda, I took so many of them. And you know what? All of them positive! All of them!" She cried.
"What did you take?" I asked softly.
"Pregnancy tests. And you know what, I'm either going to die from bulimia with my child or the kid will kill me. I don't want to die, and I can't have a kid. I want to go home. I want Daddy." She cried.
My eyes widened.
Her secrets were now out. I quickly drew her into a hug, even though I know she didn't want to be touched. But she gathered her strength and hugged back.
I stayed with her, consoling her, for a few more minutes before I quickly rushed to go and find Gerard, without telling her.
Luckily I did find Gerard. Acting as if nothing in the world was wrong.
"Gerard!" I called out to him, running up to him and Bert.
He ignored me. "GERARD!" I screamed.
This caught his attention, and all the people around us.
He stopped and so did Bert so I could catch up. I furiously ran up to him and slapped him hard on the face. He stumbled back a few steps and looked at me confused.
"What the fuck, Miranda?" Bert spoke for him.
I ignored Bert. "What has been going on Gerard. Your 'girlfriend' just told me the two most sickest things that's been plaguing her mind. And you don't know shit. You know what Gerard, she's going to die. Because one, she's bulimic. And secondly Gerard...she's pregnant with your kid! You're killing her Gerard, and your unborn child. I hope your satisfied with all this shit. Gerard have you been blind this whole time? You speak to her has she was a piece of dirt, and I know you don't know but she refers to you as the Devil. I truly hope you're happy Gerard. I really do. You're like a sadist! Taking pleasure in others pain. Fuck you Gerard." I screamed at him.
His facial expressions had changed throughout my whole rant. They went from the confused-slap look to a face I would never forget. His eyes were widened, his eyebrows raised, his eyes glittering, as in pain. He shifted his eyes from side to side and bit his lip a few times and just looked completely disheveled and broken as if to explain it well.
And silence was in the whole grounds.
Bert pulled his jacket closer to him and also stared at me wide eyed.
"Nothing to say. Just like I thought, piece of shit." I said turning away from the both of them.
He grabbed my arm and looked at me with pleading eyes.
"What?" I snapped.
"S-s-s-she's pregnant?" He whispered barely audible.
"Yes Gerard. She is." I broke my arm free and walked away. As soon as I got halfway back to the tour bus I looked back and saw Gerard on his knees, crying. Bert was crouched next to him rubbing his back. "Serves him right." I mumbled.
I heard running footsteps and looked over my shoulder to see Ariel, Cy, Halie, and Lauren coming to-wards me.
"We heard what you said!" Lauren gasped.
"Christine just told me." I told them back as they caught their breath.
"What are we going to do?" Cy questioned.
I looked over my shoulder and could see Gerard advancing alone, headed straight for the tour bus and not us.
"We are not going to do anything." I responded.
They looked to where I was watching Gerard and nodded their heads. We all looked at each other and thought the same thing.

[♥morgueresident♥]

Chapter 68: Head Checked by a Lunatic

(Christine's Narrative)

At the sound of the tour bus door being shut, in hopes of it being Miranda again I strained my neck to see her face not coming toward me. But that of the Devils'.
I was contemplating on whether to ask him what he wants from me, but then I realized, where had Miranda gone.
Prying into my business most likely, confronting the Devil. And I figured she had done it, because why would he be here.
He was now two feet away from me, and he stayed there, looking straight ahead.
He frightened me. This had all started weeks ago. Before that bitch girl had gone anal at the cafe to me.
It had started a simple, probably avoidable problem in the long run. But I suppose, the bitch caused it all to blow over and everything, everything spill out.
He still stood staring, as I adjusted my eyes I could make out that he was crying. Now, real men don't cry...
The last few weeks have been hell, hence the Devil's given nickname. I was aware of what was occurring, collapsing, hallucinations, and falling all the time. That is what everyone saw in general. That was the affect, the toll on me. And I was scared the only entire time, so I resorted to secluded places where I could purge the contents of my stomach or create this imaginary little story. See the main character is a girl, me, and her lover is played by the girl's lover himself, the Devil. OK, so maybe fiction is more fact then real life could be.
As I especially know, my baby. The Devil's spawn. I was scared. Where was I to go carrying a demon? I was so scared whenever I threw up. Could I possibly surrender this innocent life for my own misery?

It all started with the Devil's over-sensitive and protective bearing he had on me. Because of me he had this. So I partially blame myself for all this shit, actually, no, I blame all of it on me.
If I had never developed PT-SD and then progressed to something the doctor's haven't even named yet then it was my fault.
But I could go farther into the guilt pool, this could be blamed on Frank, for what he did to me...
Or better yet what Jake sustained on me.

For the past two weeks I hadn't let anyone touch me because I had found out I was pregnant. The week before that I wouldn't let anyone touch me because I had already started leaving my pain threw my esophagus and into the toilet.
My stomach hurt and feels sore all the time from it, my throat burns, my body aches, my head spins, my strength is numbed, and I can't understand anything.

Back to the root and the dead tree that sprouted from it. The Devil and his over-bearing on me turned out to cause me commendable suffering. I had lightly told him that I wanted him to shut his trap about it, he continued though, trying to be more discreet about it. But it burned inside me, it raged and grew out of control, until I felt I wasn't perfect. If I was perfect then surely the Devil would be treating me human.

Maybe I am out of my mind?

Not likely.

The first time I had thrown-up it felt absolutely wonderful. I felt more human and less like a little incapable child. I was doing something for myself. I was soaring. The feeling created a rush, a thrill, it was exciting being able to control this, when I couldn't control my life, because someone else had to do it.

Now all along, the Devil knew about my vomiting, I had confronted him when we were in our hotel room after the anal bitch girl in the cafe. He was shocked and got so furious because he didn't hear my reasons. He screamed and yelled and didn't understand. And I felt even worse after I realized he didn't understand. The next few days I realized my period was late two days, my period had never in its record been late. That's when I sent a runner to get me a few Home Pregnancy Tests. A runner you see is really an intern for the record company who does little jobs like running to pharmacy's for the band members. I wasn't a band member but I was the manager so what I said went.

When I found out I was pregnant it was clearly a shock to me. I had never had a pregnancy scare, I was always on the pill as a teen, something my father would never have ever known was going on. It was the shock that put me into a horrible state. By now I could barely stand by myself and only stayed in tour buses so I could lean against things. For shows I wore headphones, the sound was too loud, and I would remain seated and unchanged the whole show.

The Devil and I fought non stop whenever we were left alone in the same room. The shock from my sudden bulimic ways was still upsetting him. It was upsetting me more that he wouldn't help if he thought I had a problem.
He never found out of the pregnancy until Miranda just told him, which I assumed he was here.

As for my hallucinations, well I had experienced them before the cafe incident, which it will now be referred to. But I guess the stress, lack of nutrients in my body, and the depression I wallowed in cause my sub-consciousness to become alive. I had been told that when I had these hallucinations I looked as in full health, jumping around, running, smiling, laughing, re-creating my memories.

One hallucination ticked Mr. Devil himself off even more. I was told by him that it was a memory about Frank and that night at the party so very long ago. His eyes snapped as he told me that as I was re-reenacting it, it sounded like I enjoyed it. Which wasn't at all true, and yet, Devil would never understand.

I had realized early on that I was severely depressed, I assumed I felt happy whenever I threw up and my pregnancy that I was putting in immense jeopardy had droned me into a box, where I would not even have enough strength to let a tear crawl down my face. That's how I lived, I didn't survive, I was my own skeleton in the closet. Because I kept myself shadowed from the world. I believed at some point that I could have gotten the help I supposedly needed that the Devil had told me I did (which he gladly did not supply.) I could have easily told Miranda everything early on whenever she would come to check that I was breathing. But I was doing to myself, for a reason, ah-Ha, yes, a reason, that reason which I'm delightful to share, was that I didn't want to live. But yet, I would have off-ed myself if I really didn't want to live. No, I wanted to feel this, I wanted to maybe die the slow way, and I wanted everyone to feel it with me. I wanted everyone to become the flys around a rotting carcass. Feeding off my misery like there was nothing better to do.

[♥morgueresident♥]

Chapter 69: Devil With the Black Dress

(Christine's Eyes)

The Devil stirred, his satanic eyes darting to burn through me. I managed to pull my knees to my chest and sit up in the bed. I wanted to ask him not to hurt me. Not to yell at me, and not to frighten me.

But his eyes changed, they softened, the flame inside them seemed to loose some strength.
"We need, we need, to get you to a doctor." His voice, what I thought would be an angry fireball, was just as soft as his eyes.

I looked at him just as frightened as I looked at him before. What had Miranda said to him? Was this all a fake hoax, a string he was trying to pull for me not to hate him as much as I did? Was he playing a trick on me so he could then devastate me form the inside out?

He paid no attention to my silent thoughts and advanced a step forward. I quivered in response.
"Christine." He said softly once more, my name escaping from his lips burned. I gave no notice of him saying this.
"Christine this has got to stop." His voice now stronger, some fire had returned to it.
"What?" I meekly said. I was surprised at myself for saying anything.
"This, whatever is fucking going on." He said sternly.
I felt an own fire erupt in myself.
"All this time you've been telling me I'm mental, I need help, I need to start acting like I gave a damn care in the world. And you know what, Devil, why weren't you there? You had told me I needed it, but had done nothing to help me." I spat out.
He looked taken a back, especially when I called him Devil. I mentally noted to pat myself on the back, because I surely felt I stumped him.
"And I thought you didn't want my help. I thought you were fine all alone." The flame in his voice, so powerful now.
The intense blazing from his words crushed me into ashes. Maybe he was right...
Now he wore the triumphant look on his face. ...Such a beautiful face for such a dark soul...

"What has made you change your mind? The fact that I'm dieing with your unborn child. I should just off myself right now and see how you respond. You know what, I think you couldn't care shit about me. You just want me to be okay for your kid." I became short fused now. Still with my head behind my knees.

"Christine.." His voice low.
"Don't fucking say it." I said with sarcasm.
"Christine, that's, that's not true. You think, you think I don't care about you?" He took a piece of paper wrapped around something out of his coat pocket. He dropped it right next to my spot on the bunk.

I looked down at it like a piece of rubbish.
"Open it, please." He watched me.
I trembled and shook as I reached out and grabbed the papers. Unraveling the paper, it was a letter, to me. But I dismissed that for moment and looked at what it was wrapped around. Two tickets to see Phantom of The Opera in New York City.
I turned my attention to the letter.

'Chrsitine,
Is there anyway to start something like this? The last three weeks have been the worst of my life, and it just drones on me everyday. Christine, it seems you're the one who doesn't care... and what I mean about that is a simple question I've been dying to ask you. Do you love me?
I defiently know you loved me before. But I don't understand. I haven't understood anything. I don't understand what is even wrong, why we fought so much and why we did and to add to that why we still are. Christine I want this to end. I want to know how you exactly feel, and where you stand on this. Where are we going to go from here. You know where I stand, that I love you, and never wanted things to be this way. What ever comes out of your lips next, is where we go from here.
-Love Gerard'

I stared at the paper, both of my hands on it, reading over the lines.
Maybe we weren't in love if we're falling apart.
No.
That makes sense. What had I felt before?

...Such a beautiful face for such a dark soul...

I placed the paper down by my side and wandered my hands over to my face. The next words out of my mouth would decide our future.
If I hated him this would be so easy then, right?
Why can't there be someone choosing this for me? They'd be much better at deciphering my mind since I clearly was incapable of doing so.

Maybe, maybe I'm letting my mind run wild with talking, my heart has been silent...

I love him.
As much as he could ever hurt me I would still love him because I do. And he's put me through shit, and I have just done the same to him, putting him in just as deep shit.

"Oh..." I cried.

[♥morgueresident♥]

Chapter 70: Angels Fuck, Devils Kiss

(Christine's View)

Wait, was this some sort of bad omen? My father's band. The Demonaters. And him being the Devil. Was this some sort of coincidence, a sick joke, or just a random blurb, or was the medication I was on making me this delirious?


Okay, focus, Christine, focus. There's a simple problem that needs a difficult answer.
Yes or no, will you have your future with him, yes or no, or will you end it now, quoting Phantom of the Opera, 'This is the Point of No Return.'
Breath.
With my face still engouged in my hands I couldn't tell if he was growing impatient.
I believed though, that he was allowing me time to think, and I was obviously wasting it on time to think of this.
Let's review.
What actually did happen in the last three weeks is as unclear to me as it was to him. I can't remember what we fought about. I could only remember how I felt about it.
Maybe they were just those words that come out senseless but hurt?
I'm wasting time.
Think, fucking think.
Christine, will you answer one simple question?
Could you be able to save your life, and take a bright future with him?
Or pass it all up?
Why was this difficult? I want the first one, but I can't choose it. It doesn't make sense. I want the second one just as badly.
Maybe I want death? Is that possible? I'm suffering, every moment I breath, it hurts so badly.
I slowly pryed my hands off my face and clutched them around my stomach.
Was I starving to kill this poor child in me?
Or just to kill me?
Focus, think, choose, you're wasting time. And I have time the rest of my life, and this will be the decision for it.
I just have that sense it will be.
Why can't he choose for me, he thinks he knows best.
Why do I keep referring to him as the Devil? Can I not say his name?
CAN I NOT THINK OF ANOTHER QUESTION?
It's pointless to think of questions, I just don't have the answers to them.
And it frustrates me. More time is being wasted...
I looked upwards to see him sitting on the dog's bunk with his own face in his hands, leaning on his knees.
I staggered a breath, more painful then the others had been and decided, that it was time to make my decision and no more side questions.
Yes or No.
I stopped myself from thinking on it and just kept repeating the simple question that was left unanswered like all the others.
If I did answer this one, then the others would be answered as well.
I felt like I was some fairtytale, two doors were there in front of me, in my vivid imagination.
One marked 'Yes' the other with a bland 'No.'
And I was there, in a gown, a sword in one hand and a heart in the other.
I closed my eyes and decided my imagination was the best way to choose, since it would be honest to me.
I watched as my fairtytale person looked at both items in her hand and both doors.
She like me closed her eyes and released one of the items in her hands. The heart.
She took a step towards the door that said 'No,' and placed the sword upside down on the door. Gliding her hand over the jeweled sword she took a step back.
She picked up the heart, it seemed to have a crack in it. But she none the less kissed it and stepped up to the 'Yes' door.
Holding the knob to the door she flung it open.
"YES!" I blurted out, in real life.
My eyes shot open as well as his did.
He looked confused for a second.
"Yes...yes what?" A hope was in his voice, and not that of the Devils.
"I answered your question." I said.
"Yes?" He said.
"Yes!" I confirmed. He was crying again and so was I. But this time there was a smile on my heart and it no longer ached.
Miranda's Point of View
I had to have wondered, two hours? Two hours seems a bit insane, but you never know with them two.
They have been in the tour bus, for two hours now, and we all camped outside of it with a little picnic and lunch.
We had talked about what was going on, and prayed. And just as we were talking about where we were headed tomorrow, home, the tour bus door sneaked open on us.
"Come, see the light." Is what I thought a voice in there said, but I know that wasn't said.
All our heads were turned to look at Christine leaning on Gerard for support while they made their way down the steps and on to the ground.
She looked up in the sky and almost stumbled back in to the tour bus. But Gerard didn't let her fall, he hugged her.
And all our eyes widened, maybe it was our prayers on them that worked. I could tell Christine didn't want the attention.
I could tell she felt miserable still, in pain.
They got a bit closer to our little picnic in the parking lot and Gerard told us, "I'm taking her to the hospital."
We just hoped that he'd be in time for practice.
He did return, in two hours without Chirstine.
"Where is she?" Frank opened his mouth.
"Short-term rehab, she's being tranferred to a New York facility as soon as we get there." he explained.
Frank hugged Gerard, and for the first time in three weeks I could see he was defiently happy.

[♥morgueresident♥]

Chapter 71: It will Only be alright if the Feeling is Mutual

(Miranda's Point of View)

I realized for this show I had complete managing duty. Although, the tour manager, Jerry, opted to help me out, which I gladly accepted, did not take all of the stress away. Jerry was only in control of going into detail with the booking of shows and certain aspects of well, touring.

On Gerard's 'rock bottom' point over the summer Christine had to go to NY to fix something at Gerard and hers' house. They stayed on the phone for hours and Christine told him to go to Jerry. After he talked to Jerry for three hours, he passed out in his bunk and Jerry got the guys t lift him and bring him to the airport where they accompanied his flight to NY. Frank and I stayed while the rest of the guys went back on tour, doubling up with Taking Back Sunday for sets since they didn't want to disappoint their fans. We didn't tell Christine that we had brought Gerard to their house, we just plopped him on their bed and left making sure he was out cold for awhile. She wasn't there but when she got home, that was the day she saw him taking drugs and went berserk. And we already know the rest of that story.

Two hours before MCR is to hit the stage I get them to practice, get dressed, and set up, which they all did accordingly since they didn't want to give me problems. As I stood watching The Used's last set for Chaos I looked at my watch and Christine's itinerary, seeing only a few minutes left. The notes she had scratched down early stated how the lights would completely turn off. Using special red flashlights The Used and MCR would both set themselves on stage. They were giving the crowd a special treat, performing David Bowie's and Queen's 'Under Pressure.'
I called to the guys, reminding what they had to do. They all looked better then they had in the previous weeks, most likely because the mood Gerard was setting off was positive.

I grabbed Frank by the shirt, surprising him. He went to hug me but I crouched down. I had him confused for just the right amount of time to allow myself to swing around behind him and start to tickle him immensely. He jumped forward, almost on to the stage and I quickly reeled him back in. "That wasn't very nice!" He sarcastically explained, out of breath from being tickled.
"Yes it really was nice, now babe, go get your flashlight ready, you guys are on it a minute." I said giving him a kiss on the nose before telling the other guys.

After I got all the guys together, the lights went out in the venue and I pushed them on stage. In a few moments, as planned, the first notes from any of the instruments had begun and the lights slowly 'faded' in to a crowd that suddenly went mad.

It was a great sight to see the best bands I know having the greatest time of their lives on stage. Bob and Branden on drums, Quinn, Frank, Ray, and Jeph on guitar. Mikey, however was being all 'hardcore' on the tambourine. And Bert and Gerard running around and screaming like to headless chickens.

I felt like Christine, with headphones and a clipboard, a watch, and most importantly a passion. The other girls were next to me, rocking out just for our boys. The cares in our world, all on that stage, doing this for us.

But the greatest moments pass by too quickly and our heart set with the sounding last few chords. Gerard and Bert hugged while the rest of the Used departed and finally Bert.
We all 'ooh' and 'ah'-ed Halie as Bert came up to her to give her big sweaty hug and kiss.

"Woo, the Used, you have it!" Gerard yelled into his microphone. The crowd ruptured in screams and gratitude.
"Tonight, is a bit different. I'm so fucking happy right now, but fucking miserable that its the last day of Chaos. Tonight, the number one person on my mind isn't here right now, but it goes out to her. Whatever you do, pray, with craft, do it for her, because she is having a shit of a time. With that said, you guys fucking rock and we do this for you." Is what he continued with.
And the song started and the lights flashed and danced